What's in a Gun
by TotalOatmeal
Summary: In which Booker is a self-proclaimed gun expert and Elizabeth steals guns from an unexpected place. A somewhat horrible attempt at gun humor, if that's even a thing.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Elizabeth, hand me that C96!" Booker said as he was taking cover from incoming fire. A few minutes passed, and he said once again, "Elizabeth-" A rocket exploded right next to him, "THE C96!"

"What are you talking about?!" She yelled at him.

"THE PISTOL!" A Devil's Kiss grenade exploded next to him, as Booker wiped off the fire on his arms. Elizabeth threw the pistol, and Booker caught it, dispatching each Columbian soldier with a single bullet to the head. After they were killed, Dewitt dropped in exhaustion, while Elizabeth caught up with him.

"Booker, are you okay?"

"Yeah." He groaned as he got up, looking at the pistol in his hands.

"That's actually called a Broadsider." Elizabeth said.

"What? Can't be, I've seen this at Wounded Knee. The exact same model."

"Uh, no, my books said that it was made first by Fink."

"Listen Elizabeth, I'm sure this was made way before that idiot Comstock made this city and copied it."

"But-"

"Just... Elizabeth. Slate taught me my guns, and I am sure this is a C96."

She pouted, and rolled her eyes, upset that she was wrong, complying with Booker's wishes.

* * *

"Well, look at this." Booker said as he caught a machine gun from Elizabeth. "Never saw this before."

"Booker, that's a Repeater." She pointed out. "Everybody seen it."

"Are you sure? I haven't seen this below." Booker said as he studied the gun.

"1918... That's six years from now. The hell?..." Booker said, finding a label on it. "Looks as if this has been used before."

"Well, duh."

"I mean, in a trench." Booker turned around. "Elizabeth?"

She was whistling innocently, as if trying to cover up something.

"Elizabeth... Did you-"

"No! It's not what it seems like! I mean, there was a tear and... and..."

The former soldier sighed, and moved on.

**Meanwhile...**

****"Hey guys, where's my rifle?!" A German soldier frantically yelled to his buddies.

"Beats us." One of his friends said, and sipped his coffee.

The German sighed. "Kommand is going to kill me."

**Back in Columbia...**

"An M1, haven't seen these since Wounded Knee..." Booker said as he picked up a carbine from one of the fallen.

"Now where in the world would Comstock get that?" Elizabeth sarcastically replied.

"Beats me." Booker said, as Elizabeth expressed shock at Booker's ignorance.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Sorry if the end ain't funny. I found it funny of how the relation of guns and tears worked, so I made this.**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, Booker, why do you always get to hold the guns?" Elizabeth asked, as they browsed through a gun-store.

"Because, you're a girl, and I'm a man." He answered, as he picked a repeater from the shelves, studying it.

"What does that have to do anything? Just because we aren't the same gender doesn't mean I can't fire a weapon. That's like having the colored and white people go to different restrooms."

"Elizabeth, I'm sorry, listen, I would LOVE to have you fight and help me out, but-"

"Hey, you!" The burly shopkeeper rudely interrupted, walking up to the two. "A woman can have a gun!" He ranted. "Looks like someone hasn't forgotten their ideals from the Sodom below!

They gaped, shocked at him.

"A woman can have as much rights as a man!" The shopkeeper was grabbing him by the collar, with a angry face.

"Let me go!" He struggled, trying to remove his arm on her neck.

Elizabeth, though flattered a bit, had enough. She reached for a shotgun on a shelf, and wielded it by the barrel, ready to strike the shopkeep. "Let my friend go!"

"I'm sorry, but he needs to learn about misogyny!"

"I'm counting to three, now let him go."

"Hah! You wouldn't do it!"

"One!"

Booker was turning blue, with a look of suffocation on his face.

"Two!"

"If you hit me, I'll report you with charges of assault! Hey, watch it you squirmy little bast-"

She smacked the shotgun onto the shopkeeper's chest, and hit him with a smack to the stomach, freeing Booker. Elizabeth panicked ,and wiped sweat off her brow.

**Meanwhile, in a parallel universe...**

"My name is Alexandria Ryan, and I must ask you a question. Is not a woman entitled to the sweat of her brow? No, says the woman in Washington, it is for the oppressed, no, says the woman in the Vatican, it belongs to Mary! No says the woman in Moscow, it belongs to everyone!"

Jane was in the bathysphere, watching the film roll by, while eating soggy popcorn she salvaged from the plane crash.

"But I rejected those answers, instead I chose the impossible, I chose... Rapture!"

**Back in Columbia...**

"You okay?" Elizabeth asked with concern.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." He reassured. They both looked at the unconscious body on the ground.

"What should we do with him?" She asked. "The police will find us if they do."

"Hmm..." A lightbulb popped up. "Oh, I just have the perfect plan.

* * *

The shopkeeper was turned in to the police, Booker and Elizabeth wearing comical mustaches (which the police were dumb enough to not recognize them) and later both of them got some soda pop and sat on the curb, enjoying their cold drinks. The children on the streets were playing, cops and robbers, hide and seek, all that stuff.

"Booker, like I said, do you think I can handle a gun?"

"Of course, but I don't think that people would take kindly to a twenty year old holding a gun.

"Age is simply a number, Mr. Dewitt." He simply said "whatever".

"Hey mister! Give me that soda pop!" A leader of a gang of bullies then declared to them.

"No."

"But I have a gun." The boy bragged, showing him his boring BB gun. Dewitt was about to give him a lesson, but he didn't want to have the cops on him, and scarring those boys for life. Well, on the other hand...

"Listen kid, go home." The boy whined, "But it's hot and I'm thirsty! Give it to me!"

"Hmm... Let me think abou- no."

The punk gone red, and stole his bottle. "Hey!" But he ran off, while his posse was approaching him.

Elizabeth had left, and was looking from a corner, giving Booker a thumbs up, and silently watched.

* * *

Booker passed the corner Elizabeth was hiding on, and actually looked okay. "What happened?" She asked. Booker grinned. "Oh, go see for yourself." She peeked, and saw a bunch of boys crying, as their mothers were scolding them, while police were writing reports. On the ground, lied a single gun. As soon as they were finished, Booker asked the policemen if he could have his gun back, and they gave it back.

"You-"

"Age is just a number." Booker said in a singing tone, a smile on his face.

"But, those were children! You could have killed them, Booker!"

"Elizabeth, calm down."

"I will not, knowing that you had given a gun to chil-"

He showed her the magazine, and the two burst out laughing.

* * *

Booker and Elizabeth were sitting on a bench, with Booker reading a quantum science book, and Elizabeth reading a catalog on new Fink products.

"..." Elizabeth noticed what he was reading. "Look's like you're interested in that book."

"Nope!" He said, and threw the book behind him. "Flying particles? A couple of balloons might work."

"You do know cannons can puncture balloons."

"Wings then?" Booker suggested.

"As if Songbird's wings can lift up an entire city."

He waved it off, and went off into the bookstore he bought the book he was previously reading. In the bookstore, as he was looking through the humor section, browsing through "How to tell if your mutt is plotting to skydive", and "Why felines are plotting to enslave the human race". "What kind of idiot comes up with these corny ideas?" Booker thought to himself. Then, a sudden tap on his shoulder caught his attention. He didn't face the unknown person, simply replying "What?".**  
**

"Oh Booker." A female voice said in a sultry tone.

He turned to face the person. " You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. What is -" He turned to face Rosalind Lutece. "Oh hell, not you."

"Not glad to see me, are you?" She replied. "Would you leave me alone?" Booker said in exasperation

"I just find it simply fascinating to... explore your characteristics."

"Ah god, someone help me!" No one noticed him, or her. "Elizabeth!"

"No ones noticing Booker, it's only you and me." Dewitt sighed, "okay, what do you want?"

The Lutece replied, "I simply need a partner for... a small favor." Booker pinched the bridge of his nose, "Why don't you get your other friend to do it?"

"You're missing the point." She said, "It includes him. Anyway, I just need you to help me get him... envious of me."

Booker looked at her, blankly. He started to run, until she caught him by his jacket. "Come on, one simple date! I just-"

Suddenly, Robert walked in to the store, with a look of anger. "My apologies Mr. Dewitt." He simply said, and tugged his twin by the collar. "Sorry for any inconveniences my sister caused you." "Now, now, we must not tarry, so farewell." He then pulled her away. "How come you get to have your pairings with those Sherlock people while I can't get a date..." Rosalind whined as he dragged her away.

Booker simply looked at them with a dumbstruck expression, and shook his head.

* * *

Dewitt came out with a new book, and sat on the bench, with Elizabeth still reading that catalog. There was a long silence, until she broke the ice.

"Looks like someone fancies you, Mr. Dewitt." She simply said, a smirk hidden under the catalog. Booker went read in the face. "How did you-"

"I saw them walking out the store. She made a few... comments about you."

Booker hid his face in the the book while Elizabeth laughed for the rest of the day.

* * *

**Author's Note**:

**Chapter re-write! Sorry, but I had a few/many mistakes on my part, as Columbia was anti-misogynist, seeing as how Comstock did use his daughter in where most kings/emperors would choose a son. Gender ain't an object.**

**Booker/Rosalind, as if they could even date. Harr harr. **

**Haha, a fem!Rapture AU, that gives me some ideas for the future.**


End file.
